Helping a child cope with exam nerves

Some nervousness before a test is useful. It sharpens attention and gives a child a reason to prepare. The problem is when nerves grow so large that a child cannot sleep or eat, or sits in the exam room unable to recall things they knew perfectly well the day before.

What follows applies to anything from Year 6 SATs to end-of-year exams and GCSEs.

Ordinary nerves, or something more?

If a child is in immediate danger, call 999. Children and young people in the UK can also contact Childline free and in confidence on 0800 1111.

Find out what the worry is

"I'm worried about the test" can mean several things. Ask gently: "What's the worst bit?" and "What do you think will happen if it goes badly?"

You might hear "I'll forget everything", "I'll be the only one who can't do it", or "You'll be cross with me". Each needs a different answer. The last one deserves special attention, because it is the one a parent can remove completely.

What to say, and what to skip

Say:

• "I'm proud of how hard you're working." Praise effort, which your child controls, not results, which they cannot fully control.
• "Whatever happens, we'll sort it out together."
• "Feeling nervous means you care. Your body is getting ready." Some children find it helps to think of a racing heart as preparation rather than danger.
• "Let's make a plan for that." Specific worries, such as running out of time, deserve specific plans.

Skip:

• "You'll be fine." Kind, but it can sound dismissive. Listen first, reassure second.
• Constant talk about grades. Children pick up adult anxiety fast.
• Comparisons with siblings, cousins or friends.
• Ever more revision. An anxious child revising until midnight arrives more tired, not more prepared.

A breathing exercise to practise in advance

Slow breathing, with the out-breath a little longer than the in-breath, calms many people down. Practise it at home when your child is relaxed, so it is familiar when they need it.

1. Sit with both feet flat on the floor.
2. Breathe in slowly through the nose for a count of four.
3. Breathe out slowly through the mouth for a count of six.
4. Repeat five times.

Younger children sometimes imagine smelling a flower on the way in and blowing out a candle on the way out. Nobody in an exam hall will notice someone doing this.

The weeks before: reduce the unknowns

Much exam anxiety is uncertainty. The more a child knows about what will happen, the less there is to fear.

• Know the format. How many papers, how long each lasts, what kind of questions. For Year 6, our guide to KS2 SATs revision sets out every paper.
• Practise gently. One timed paper at home, followed by something nice, makes the real thing feel familiar.
• Have a realistic plan. A clear plan stops the feeling that there is too much to do. Older pupils can use our revision timetable guide.
• Ask about support early. Schools can sometimes make access arrangements, such as a smaller room, for pupils who qualify under the official rules. Speak to the class teacher, head of year or SENCo well before the exams, not the week of them.

A worry plan helps many children. Draw two columns, What I'm worried about and What I can do, and fill one action in for each worry.

Pin it up. A worry written next to a plan usually looks smaller.

The night before

• Pack the bag together: pens, pencils, ruler, a clear water bottle and any equipment the exam needs.
• Stop revising by early evening. A quick look at a few flashcards is plenty.
• Do something ordinary and pleasant: a walk, a board game, a favourite meal.
• Keep to the normal bedtime, with screens off a while before.

The morning

• Some breakfast, even toast or a banana.
• Leave in good time.
• Keep conversation light. There is no need to talk about the exam.
• A simple send-off: "Do your best. See you later."

If their mind goes blank in the exam

Talk this through beforehand so your child has a script:

1. Put the pen down and do the breathing exercise.
2. Re-read the question slowly and underline the key words.
3. Still stuck? Move to a question they can do. Confidence often returns once they are writing.
4. Come back to the hard one at the end.

Afterwards

"How did it go?" is enough, and "What do you fancy for tea?" is often better. If one paper went badly, it is one part of a bigger picture, and the next paper is a fresh start.

A child who says "I don't care about exams" may be protecting themselves from the fear of failing. Quiet, open questions about how they feel will get further than a push about revision. If the anxiety centres on one subject, our article on a child who says "I'm bad at maths" may help.

Sources and further reading

• Anxiety disorders in children (NHS) – signs that worry has become a problem and how to get help through your GP.
• Exam stress (YoungMinds) – advice written with young people, useful to share with older children.
• Breathing exercises for stress (NHS) – a simple calming breathing routine to practise.
• Childline (NSPCC) – free, confidential support for children and young people, by phone or online.

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